Weird Al: Your horoscope for today

(Aquarius)
There's travel in your future when your tongue freezes to the back of a speeding bus
Fill that void in your pathetic life by playing Whack-A-Mole seventeen hours a day

(Pisces)
Try to avoid any Virgos or Leos with the Ebola virus
You are the true Lord of the Dance, no matter what those idiots at work say

(Aries)
The look on your face will be priceless when you find that forty pound watermelon in your colon
Trade toothbrushes with an albino dwarf, then give a hickey to Meryl Streep

(Taurus)
You will never find true happiness - what you gonna do, cry about it?
The stars predict tomorrow you'll wake up, do a bunch of stuff, and then go back to sleep

That's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for today)
That's your horoscope for today
That's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for today)
That's your horoscope for today

(Gemini)
Your birthday party will be ruined once again by your explosive flatulence
Your love life will run into trouble when your fiance hurls a javelin through your chest

(Cancer)
The position of Jupiter says you should spend the rest of the week face down in the mud
Try not to shove a roll of duct tape up your nose while taking your driver's test

(Leo)
Now is not a good time to photocopy your butt and staple it to your boss's face, oh no
Eat a bucket of tuna-flavored pudding, then wash it down with a gallon of strawberry Quik

(Virgo)
All Virgos are extremely friendly and intelligent - except for you
Expect a big surprise today when you wind up with your head impaled on a stick

That's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for today)
That's your horoscope for today
That's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for today)
That's your horoscope for today

Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forcasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to reaize that every single one of them is absolutely true.

Where was I?

(Libra)
A big promotion is just around the corner for someone much more talented that you
Laughter is the very best medicine, remember that when your appendix bursts next week

(Scorpio)
Get ready for an unexpected trip when you call screaming from an open window
Work a little harder on improving your low self-esteem, you stupid freak

(Sagittarius)
All your friends are laughing behind your back (KILL THEM)
Take down all those naked pictures of Ernest Borgnine you've got hanging in your den

(Capricorn)
The stars say that you're an exciting and wonderful person, but you know they're lying
If I were you, I's lock my doors and windows and never never never never never leave my house again

That's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for today)
That's your horoscope for today
That's your horoscope for today (yay yay yay yay yay)
That's your horoscope for today

Veggietales: The Dance of the Cucumber

Narrator: "Larry will be performing the traditional Argentinian ballad, 'The Dance of the Cucumber,' in it's original Spanish. Bob the Tomato will translate."

Larry: "Miren al pepino"
Bob: "Watch the cucumber"

Larry: "miren como se mueve"
Bob: "see how he moves"

Larry: "como un leon"
Bob: "like a lion"

Larry: "tras un raton."
Bob: "chasing a mouse."

Larry: "Miren al pepino"
Bob: "Watch the cucumber"

Larry: "sus suaves movimientos"
Bob: "Oh, how smooth his motion"

Larry: "tal como mantequilla"
Bob: "like butter"

Larry: "en un chango pelon."
Bob: "on a ... bald monkey."

Larry: "Miren al pepino"
Bob: "Look at the cucumber"

Larry: "los vegetales"
Bob: "all the vegetables"

Larry: "envidian a su amigo"
Bob: "envy their friend"

Larry: "como el quieren bailar"
Bob: "wishing to dance as he"

Larry: "Pepino bailarin, pepino bailarin, pepino bailarin"
Bob: "Dancing cucumber, dancing cucumber, dancing cucumber"

Larry: "Baila, baila, ya!"
Bob: "Dance, dance, yeah!"

Larry: "Miren al tomate"
Bob: "Look at the tomato"

Larry: "�no es triste?"
Bob: "Isn't it sad?"

Larry: "El no puede bailar."
Bob: "He can't dance."

Larry: "�Pobre tomate!"
Bob: "Poor tomato!"

Larry: "El deser�a poder bailar"
Bob: "He wishes he could dance"

Larry: "Como el pepino"
Bob: "like the cucumber"

Larry: "libre y suavemente."
Bob: "free and smooth."

Larry: "Pero el no puede danzar."
Bob: "But he can't ... Okay! Stop the music! What do ya mean I can't dance? I can dance! What about Uncle Louie's polka party? Didn't you see me dancing at Uncle Louie's polka party?"
Larry: "No comprendo."

Bob: "No comprendo? I'll show you 'No comprendo'!"

Junior: "Mom! Dad! Look over here! Get a picture of me next to the cucumber in authentic Argentinian garb!"

Dad: "Okay, Junior. But we'd better hurry - I think the dwarves have your mother confused with someone else! Say 'Peas!'"
All: "Peas!"

Larry: "Escuchen al pepino"
Bob: "Listen to the cucumber"

Larry: "oigan su voz fuerte"
Bob: "hear his strong voice"

Larry: "como un leon"
Bob: "like a lion"

Larry: "listo a devorar."
Bob: "about to eat."

Larry: "Escuchen al pepino"
Bob: "Listen to the cucumber"

Larry: "que dulce es su canto"
Bob: "oh how sweet his voice"

Larry: "la voz de su garganta parece un trinar."
Bob: "the breath from his throat is like a chorus of little birdies."

Larry: "Escuchen al pepino"
Bob: "Listen to the cucumber"

Larry: "los vegetales"
Bob: "all the vegetables"

Larry: "envidian a su amigo"
Bob: "envy their friend"

Larry: "como el quieren cantar."
Bob: "wishing to sing as he."

Larry: "Pepino cantador, pepino cantador, pepino cantador"
Bob: "Singing cucumber, singing cucumber, singing cucumber"

Larry: "canta, canta, ya!"
Bob: "sing, sing, yeah!"

Larry: "Escuchen al tomate"
Bob: "Listen to the tomato"

Larry: "�No es triste?"
Bob: "Isn't it sad?"

Larry: "El no puede cantar."
Bob: "He can't sing."

Larry: "Pobre tomate."
Bob: "Poor tomato."

Larry: "El deser�a poder cantar"
Bob: "He wishes he could sing"

Larry: "fuerte y dulce como el pepino"
Bob: "strong and sweet like the cucumber"

Larry: "Pero no puede ..."
Bob: "But he can't ..."
Larry: "�Ni siquiera da un silbido!"
Bob: "Can't even ... whistle! All right! That's it Senor! Come over here and let me sing YOU a song!"

Larry: "Adios, amigos!"

Narrator: "This has been Silly Songs With Larry. Tune in next time to hear Larry sing ..."

Larry: "Bob is really angry! I hope he doesn't catch me! It's so hard to run with this sombrero on my head!"