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On Feb. 13, 2005 at 2:50 p.m., I wanted to sing:

Alanis Morrisette: Would not come

if I make a lot of tinsel then people will want to
if I am hardened no fear of further abandonment
if I am famous then maybe i'll feel good in this skin
if I am cultured my words will somehow garner respect
i would throw a party still it would not come
i would bike run swim and still it would not come
i'd go traveling and still it would not come
I would starve myself and still it would not come
if I am masculine I will be taken more seriously
if I take a break it would make me irresponsible
if i'm elusive I will surely be sought after often
if I need assistance then I must be incapable
i'd be filthy rich and still
it would not come
I would seduce them and still
it would not come
I would drink vodka and still
it would not come
i'd have an orgasm and still
it wouldn't come
if I accumulate knowledge
i'll be impenetrable
if I am aloof no one will know
when they strike a nerve
if I keep my mouth shut the boat
will not have to be rocked
if I am vulnerable I will be
trampled upon
i would go shopping and still
it would not come
i'd leave the country and still
it would not come
i would scream and rebel still
it would not come
i would stuff my face and still
it would not come
i'd be productive and still it would not come
i'd be celebrated still it would not come
i'd the the hero and still it would not come
i'd renunciate and still it would not come



More of the same.


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On Feb. 13, 2005 at 2:46 p.m., I wanted to sing:

Alanis Morrisette: I was hoping

as we were talking outside it was cold
we were shivering yet warmed by the subject matter
my wife is in the next room we've been having troubles you know please don't tell her or anyone but I need to talk to somebody
you said "wouldn't it be a shame if I knew how great I was five minutes before I died I'd be filled
with such regret before I took my last breath"
and I said "you're willing to tell me this now and you're not going to die anytime soon"
and I said "I haven't been eating chicken or meat or anything"
and you said "yes, but you've been wearing leather"
and laughed and said "we're at the top of the food chain, yes, you're still a fine woman
and I cringed

I was hoping I was hoping we could heal each other
I was hoping I was hoping we could be raw together

we left the restaurant where the head waiter (in his 60's) said "good-bye sir thank you for your business sir you're successful and established sir and we like the frequency with which you dine here sir and your money"
and when I walked by they said "thank you too dear"
I was all pigtails and cords and there was a day when i would've said something like "hey dude i could buy and sell this place so kiss it"
I too once thought I was once something

I was hoping I was hoping we could challenge each other
I was hoping I was hoping we could crack each other up

I too thought that when proved wrong I lost somehow and I too once thought life was cruel
it's a cycle really you think I'm withdrawing and guilt tripping you
I think you're insensitive and i don't feel heard
and i said "do you believe we are fundamentally judgemental? fundamentally evil?" and you said "yes"
I said "I don't believe in revenge in right or wrong good or bad"
you said "well what about the man that I saw handcuffed in the emergency room bleeding after beating his kid and she threw a shoe at his head and I think what he did was wrong and I would've had a hard time feeling compassion for him"
I had to watch my tone for fear of having you feel judged
I was hoping I was hoping we could dance together
I was hoping I was hoping we could be creamy together



I guess I'm just in this sort of mood at the moment.

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Nickel Creek: When You Come Back Down

Semisonic: Chemistry

Joe Nichols: Tequila makes her clothes fall off

Five For Fighting: 100 Years

Savage Garden: Crash and Burn

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